Wenn Verschwörungstheoretiker böse Emails schreiben oder in Online-Foren herumtrollen, entwickeln sie ganz eigene Schreibregeln und Textgattungen. Das kann recht unterhaltsam sein.

Wer über esoterischen Unfug schreibt, muss damit rechnen, heftig kritisiert zu werden. Die Esoterik-Fraktion und die aluhuttragenden Verschwörungstheoretiker sind oft gut vernetzt, in irgendwelchen seltsamen Online-Foren kochen die Emotionen hoch und dann wird gemeinsam attackiert.

Ich muss zugeben: Manchmal freue ich mich richtig darüber. So ärgerlich und schmerzhaft es auch sein kann, von intelligenten Leuten kritisiert zu werden – wenn mich offensichtlich wirrgeistige Esoteriker wüst beschimpfen, dann kann ich meistens kaum anders als mit breitem Grinsen vor dem Bildschirm zu sitzen und in mich hinein zu kichern.

HAARP wird uns alle töten!

So ging es mir auch diese Woche wieder: Ich habe über die HAARP-Verschwörungstheorie geschrieben. HAARP ist – wie die meisten von euch vermutlich wissen – eine Radiowellen-Sendeanlage in Alaska. Seit vielen Jahren wird HAARP von absurden Verschwörungstheorien umrankt: Es sei ein Instrument einer dunklen Weltregierung, die damit Naturkatastrophen auslöst und unsere Gedanken manipuliert.

Inhaltlich war mein Artikel wohl kaum kontrovers – ich habe auf etwas polemische Weise nachgerechnet, wie sich die von HAARP emittierte Energie mit den Energieskalen vergleichen lässt, die in Naturkatastrophen wie Erdbeben oder Wirbelstürmen stecken. Daran sieht man sofort, dass HAARP ein denkbar unnützes Instrument zum Auslösen von Katastrophen ist. (Natürlich könnte man jetzt argumentieren, dass die Energie an einer tektonischen Grenze schon vorhanden ist und man vielleicht mit HAARP nur noch einen kleinen Schubs anbringen muss, um ein Erdbeben auszulösen – aber wenn man schon von einer bösartigen Erdbebenmaschine phantasiert, dann sollte diese angebliche Erdbebenmaschine schon etwas mehr können. Wenn man nur Katastrophen dort auslösen kann, wo sie sich ohnehin schon fast von alleine ereignen, ist das keine besonders beeindruckende Methode, die Welt zu unterwerfen.)

Troll-Bewertung: ein bis fünf Sterne

Wie auch immer – kaum war der Artikel online, bekam ich auch schon meine erste Fan-Email:

Dieser Artikel besagt , dass sie KEINE Ahnung haben und das als Physiker ! Mein GOTT ! Wahnsinn ! Für wie blöd halten sie eigentlich die Leute !

Man erkennt hier schon einige charakteristische Elemente: Ein merkwürdiger Umgang mit Satz- und Leerzeichen, die Verwendung von GROSSBUCHSTABEN ohne erkennbaren Sinn und einen völligen Verzicht auf Argumentation – ein Klassiker! Dafür vergebe ich fünf von fünf Sternen.

Ein anderer Fan im Online-Forum kommt mit etwas feinerer Klinge:

Selten hat sich jemand deutlicher als nicht ernst zu nehmender, fanatischer und verblendeter Honk ohne jegliche Fähigkeiten zu Physik, Technik oder sozialer, kommunikativer, didaktischer Kompetenz dargestellt. Bildung könnte helfen.

Das ist grammatikalisch beinahe korrekt. (Nur die Präposition „zu“ nach den „Fähigkeiten“ erscheint mir fragwürdig.) Auch inhaltlich kann ich nur zustimmen: Jawohl, Bildung hilft meistens! Das Wort „Honk“ gefällt mir ebenfalls, so hat mich noch niemand genannt. Das ist vier von fünf Sternen wert.

Doch nicht jeder Beitrag liest sich so flüssig:

Davon abgesehen, dass schon allein dank der 5 Sinne und der gelebten Freiheit des DENKENS! der Mensch in der Lage sein sollte schön langsam zu erkennen, dass HAARP, CHEMTRAILS, MIND CONTROL, inszenierte FLÜCHTLINGSINVASIONEN u.v.a. keine Verschwörungstheorien sind, wie selbst und aus rein taktischen Motiven heraus von den Verursachern bezeichnet, sondern real existierende, die Menschheit und unseren Planeten gefährdende Methoden sind, die absolute Kontrolle und macht über die Menschheit und die Erde zu haben.

Das ist inhaltlich und formal eher durchschnittlich: Wir erkennen wieder die GROSSBUCHSTABEN-Begeisterung, diesmal aber ohne besondere Leerzeichen-Freude vor den Satzzeichen. Die Verzweiflung angesichts der übermächtigen Weltverschwörung klingt leise an, aber mir fehlt ein bisschen das Feuer. Drei Sterne.

Sehr schön finde ich es allerdings, wenn Leute Wissen weitergeben wollen. Lesetipps und Quellenverweise sind immer gut:

Hier z.B. ein Beitrag zu HAARP, zwar nicht immer orthografisch fehlerfrei, dafür jedoch mit nachweislichen Beispielen: derhonigmannsagt.org

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Kommentare (292)

  1. #1 ofu
    alu hut war gestern !
    September 22, 2017
  2. #2 Tim
    September 22, 2017

    Die Frage ist: Wer steckt WIRKLICH hinter den Kommentaren dieser Leute? Und was wollen SIE damit erreichen?

  3. #3 Lercherl
    September 22, 2017

    Ja, da kommen Erinnerungen an die gute Frau Professor Claudia von W. auf. In der Pension ist sie jetzt anscheinend noch abgehobener geworden:
    https://youtu.be/NU6IFzgBAGA (einer von vielen, aber alles dabei, HAARP, Chemtrails, Schumann-Frequenzen…).

    Um als advocatus diaboli aufzutreten (oder advocatus Claudiae): Das Argument, dass eine hypothetische Erdbebenmaschine nicht die gesamte beim Beben freigesetzte Energie zur Verfügung stellen muss, sondern nur den Auslöser, die vorhandene innere Energie freizusetzen, ist nicht ganz von der Hand zu weisen. Natürlich liegt die Beweislast für eine abgehobene Behauptung wie “HAARP löst Erdbeben aus” immer noch bei dem, der die Behauptung aufstellt. Bei den Diskussionen über die unsäglichen Wortmeldungen der Frau Professor zum Haiti-Erdbeben 2010 wurde aber oft mit der Gesamtenergie argumentiert, und dieses Argument allein greift meiner Meinung nach zu kurz.

  4. #4 RPGNo1
    September 22, 2017

    @Florian
    Ich habe mir jetzt deinen Artikel auf futurezone und die dazugehörigen Kommentare durchgelesen.
    Fantastisch! Was für ein Sammelsurium an verrückten, durchgeknallten und aberwitzigen Äußerungen. Sowas bringt nur das echte Leben hervor, das könnte sich kein Künstler, Schriftsteller oder Comedian ausdenken. Da Grinsen auf meinem Gesicht wurde immer breiter.
    Für zukünftige Benotungen solltest du aber auch die ausgiebige Verwendung von Satzzeichen einfließen lassen. ??? oder !!!! und erst Recht ?!! sollten ein Extralob wert sein. 😉

  5. #5 zimtspinne
    September 22, 2017

    @ RPG
    Das exzessive Verwenden der ??? !!! !?! %$§”%$!”§
    kann aber auch Ausdruck des Temperaments sein!!!!!
    Bitte die Diagnose ”Aluhut” nur nach genauer vorheriger Prüfung stellen. Keinen Testaluhut anbieten. Den nehme ich bei sommerlicher Plasmafackelaktivität gerne an (kennst mich ja :D)

  6. #6 zimtspinne
    September 22, 2017

    Was ist das eigentlich für ein Kabel an dem Hut? Zum Lichtanknipsen für nachts?

    Ich finde schon, ein kleines bisschen schludrig ist der gebastelt, das hätte irgendwie intergalaktischer aussehen können. Mehr wie eine Krone.

  7. #7 tomtoo
    September 22, 2017

    @Lecherl
    Ja finde ich auch , um den Stein zum Rollen zu bringen, muss ich keine 5000 Tonnen von A nach B bewegen.
    Quatsch mag’s sein, aber mit gegenquatsch zu argumentieren macht ja auch keinen Sinn.

  8. #8 gajendra
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    September 22, 2017

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  9. #9 PDP10
    September 22, 2017

    @Florian:

    wenn mich offensichtlich wirrgeistige Esoteriker wüst beschimpfen, dann kann ich meistens kaum anders als mit breitem Grinsen vor dem Bildschirm zu sitzen und in mich hinein zu kichern.

    Ehrlich jetzt?

    Wenn so Leute in den Foren aufschlagen, in denen ich mit diskutiere, fühle ich mich manchmal (nicht oft, aber immer öfter) ungefähr so unangenehm angefasst, wie Clarice Starling in den Szenen in denen sie durch diesen Keller zwischen den Zellen mit den ganzen Irren durchgeht um mit Hannibal zu reden … jiiirks.

    Moment! Nein! Ich bin nie durchgefallen. (Einmal fast, bei meiner Analysis-1-Prüfung. Aber das war Mathematik.)

    Hmmnaja … Ehrensache, wenn man Physik studiert. Zumindest in der Zwischenprüfung. Theoretische Physik 1, Mathe 4 kurz vorm durchgefallen sein … so sah jedenfalls mein Vordiplom aus :-).

  10. #10 Hobbes
    September 22, 2017

    Herr Aigner merkt auch gar nichts. Gerade hat die Weltregierung uns schon wieder drei Monate und drei Tage geklaut und keiner merkt es.
    Zum Beweiß, es läuft Stirb langsam 2 im Fernsehen. Folglich ist Weihnachten. Folglich hat HAARP mal wieder die Erdrotation verändert.

  11. #11 Tobias Cronert
    September 22, 2017

    Ich bin ja manchmal schon echt neidisch auf solche tollen Kommentare. Ich mein, egal, was man über die Aluhutfraktion denken mag… kreativ sind die und emotional involviert auch noch. Das kann man sich als Autor doch eigentlich nur wünschen: Die Menschen erreichen und berühren. 😉

    Ansonsten: In Analysis fast durchgefallen? Das kommt mir auch verdammt bekannt vor *g*
    Ich sehe ein Muster.

  12. #12 Spritkopf
    September 22, 2017

    ich habe auf etwas polemische Weise nachgerechnet, wie sich die von HAARP emittierte Energie mit den Energieskalen vergleichen lässt, die in Naturkatastrophen wie Erdbeben oder Wirbelstürmen stecken.

    Sowas Ähnliches habe ich auch schonmal gemacht. Allerdings habe ich (vermutlich mangels Reichweite meines Blogs) keine Antworten erhalten. Geschweige denn so schöne wie du.

  13. #13 PDP10
    September 22, 2017

    @Hobbes:

    Zum Beweiß, es läuft Stirb langsam 2 im Fernsehen. Folglich ist Weihnachten.

    Nein. An Weihnachten – genauer gesagt am Heilgen Abend – läuft immer “Die Hard” Teil 1.
    Das ist ein Naturgesetz.
    Folglich ist noch nicht Weihnachten.

  14. #14 anderer Michael
    September 23, 2017

    Was sagen die Reptiloiden dazu, die erwiesenermaßen ihren Hauptstützpunkt zwischen Datteln und Schwerte haben? Wenn man mit der Reichsflugscheibe dort entlang fliegt, sieht man den Stützpunkt deutlichst.
    Wie ich hörte, möchte das Zentralkomitee der Couchtischbesitzer sich diesem Problem demnächst intensivst widmen.

    gez. Ex-Karnevalsprinz Michael VI

  15. #15 Tobi
    September 23, 2017

    Auch der ansatzlose Switch zwischen Englisch und Deutsch ist total hip und modern. Vier Sterne.

    Oh god, das ist completely wrong denglish! Correctly muss es heißen: “Vier Stars”. Sonst understanded das doch nobody!

    ‘tschuldigung, konnte nicht widerstehen. 😀

    Ernsthafter: Wieviel “normale” Post bekommst du eigentlich zu deinen Artikeln? Also Nachfragen (die keine Unterstellungen beinhalten), Anregungen oder auch mal Lob? Würde mich mal so rein statistisch interessieren.

  16. #16 Peter Weismann
    September 23, 2017

    Ist nicht DIE “Stringtheorie” auch eine Art Verschwörungstheorie?
    Ich meine, es gibt keinerlei Beiweise und nur Vermutungen auf Grund kryptisch anmutender mathematischer Formeln und manchmal macht sie mich schaudern.

    Was ich sagen möchte: ich liebe Verschwörungstheorien! Wie traurig trocken wäre die Welt ohne sie?
    Gut, bei gefühlten 90% rollen sich mir irgendwie schon die Zehennägel ein, aber die restlichen verführen doch immer zu weiterem Nachdenken und das ist es allemal Wert. Wir sind uns in unserem gefestigten Weltbild oft zu sicher. Wir verwechseln gesellschaftliche Übereinkunft mit Wissen und Gewissheit. Es gibt dieses schöne Beispiel von den eingeschränkten Gedanken aus der Politik. Da wird eine Richtung vorgegeben und was außerhalb liegt wird ausgeschlossen. “Man” bestimmt die Bandbreite zulässiger Gedanken und verwirft alle möglichen Alternativen, die außerhalb dieses Schemas liegen. Umweltschutz ist zum Beispiel etwas, das nur innerhalb des Industriestandortes Deutschland stattfinden darf, niemand denkt daran, den Pfad der Industrialisierung auch verlassen zu können. Schwaches Beispiel. Vielleicht das mit dem Urlaub: jeder klagt darüber, dass dieser immer zu kurz ist. Eine mögliche Lösung wäre, ihn ganz abzuschaffen. Dann fallen diese Klagen ja automatisch weg, aber niemand schließt solche Möglichkeiten ein.
    In der Naturwissenschaft, vor allem in der Physik, haben wir doch miterleben können, wie solche einschränkenden Gedanken schon mehrfach entlarvt und schließlich aufgebrochen wurden und es täte mich nicht wundern, wenn wir eines Tages erkennen, wie vernagelt wir doch auch heute noch sind und zB der Zeitbegriff dereinst vollkommen neu bestimmt wird.

    Und dann, wir sollten nicht vergessen, dass die Ursache für Verschwörungstheorien unter anderem auch die Intransparenz ist, das Unwissen über viele Dinge, die in der Welt geschehen. Wer sind zum Beispiel DIE REICHEN. Es ist bekannt, dass eine nur ganz dünne Schicht von Superreichen den Großteil des Vermögens auf unserem Planeten besitzen. Wer? Wieviel? Was machen die mit ihrem Geld? (Wieso lassen wir solch einen Zustand überhaupt zu?)

  17. #17 Omnivor
    Am Nord"pol" von NRW
    September 24, 2017

    wie sich die von HAARP emittierte Energie mit den Energieskalen vergleichen lässt, die in Naturkatastrophen wie Erdbeben oder Wirbelstürmen stecken.

    HAARP (Hahnemanns Alternative Angewandte Relative Physik) kann man doch gar nicht mit schnöder allopathischer Physik berechnen. Das System benötigt nur die Energie eines umfallenden D6-potentierten Sacks Reis für ein größeres Erdbeben.

  18. #18 Keno
    September 25, 2017

    Ich könnte solche Kommentare nicht mit so viel Humor wegstecken. Immerhin haben die Kommentatoren mit mir etwas gemeinsam: Das Wahlrecht.
    Und gerade deshalb bin ich heute morgen eher frustriert…

  19. #19 tomtoo
    September 25, 2017

    So ein ganzer Sack Reis mit Zucker auf D6 potenziert , ist gar nicht soo leicht. ; )

  20. #20 Cosmea
    Wien
    September 25, 2017

    Das erschüttert mich auch immer zutiefst: dass diese Menschen WAHLBERECHTIGT sind.

  21. #21 Anderer Max
    September 25, 2017

    Meine Güte, glauben echt Menschen an solche Weltregierungs-Verschwörungen? Und glauben die echt daran, dass das Wort “Verschwörungstheorie” nur für sie erfunden wurde, um sie zu diskreditieren?
    Die glauben aber auch eht, im mittelpunkt von Allem zu stehen. Ist wahrschienlich was Psychologisches, weil die sonst keine Aufmerksamkeit und Anerkennung kriegen. Traurig eigentlich.

  22. […] Den geballten Furor der Vernunftentfremdeten dokumentiert der Science-Blogger in einem eigenen Artikel. […]

  23. #23 noch'n Flo
    Schoggiland
    September 26, 2017

    Ich vermisse die Freimaurer. Wo sind die Freimaurer?

  24. #24 nihil jie
    September 27, 2017

    Ich sollte ein Geschäft mit Aluhüten aufziehen *gg

  25. #25 nihil jie
    September 27, 2017

    @noch’n Flo

    Du musst dich leider mit uns, den Echsoiden vom Planeten Exodus III, die mit den terrestrischen Illuminaten zusammenarbeiten, zufrieden geben 😉

  26. #26 Fabian
    September 27, 2017

    Ich spiele mit dem Gedanken, die Verschwörungstheorie in die Welt zu setzten, dass nicht HAARP die Ursache allen Übels ist, sondern das Forschungszentrum Jülich.

    Einfach, weil ich es könnte.

  27. #27 tomtoo
    September 27, 2017

    @Fabian
    Wenn die Reaktorkatze wegen die Ärger bekommt, reagiere ich sauer.

  28. #28 nihil jie
    September 30, 2017

    Ich könne diese Mails auch für Florian übersetzen, falls es Missverständnisse gibt. Ich spreche nämlich Honkisch. Ich habe mir das über all die Jahre des Internetkonsums selber beigebracht *gg 😉

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  32. #32 Michael Stängl
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    Aus dem von Ihnen, Herrn Aigner kommentierten Artikel über HAARP:

    Quote: “…Die Idee, mit HAARP ein Erdbeben auszulösen, ist ungefähr so absurd wie der Gedanke, einen Presslufthammer durch eine Schar hoppelnder Kaninchenbabys zu ersetzen…”

    Ein einfach genialer Vergleich, dieser hatte mir einige schöne Lacher beschert.

    Ansonsten meine vollste Anerkennung zu Ihrer Eigenironie, diese Beleidigungen der Verschwörungstheoretiker auch noch zu lesen und zu bewerten.

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